The Cost of Forgiveness

As Christians, we are aware of the need for forgiveness—both to give it and to receive it. It is the very essence of our faith. And we hold it up as a beautiful picture of the closest thing to God on earth. We love to hear the stories of the family that forgives their daughter’s murderer or the wife that forgives her husband’s infidelity. These are good and noble pictures. Ideals that we all should seek to attain. And there is indeed freedom for the forgiver as much as the forgiven. Freedom from the bonds of anger and bitterness and sometimes, even the need for vengeance.

            But forgiveness costs something. It costs allowing the injury that we have received to be healed by someone other than the injurer. It costs setting aside any claim that we might have to being right. Sometimes it costs knowing that the person who injured us will never know what it costs us to forgive, or even care that we have forgiven, or even realize that they have caused an injury. It costs in a heart submitted to the process, knowing that there are stages of grief and mercy to work through. 

            And yet, isn’t that the very picture of Christ on the cross? Forgiving those who injured his heart and his flesh without any expectation of their acknowledging what they had done? He knew that forgiveness was necessary and went about doing it, though it cost him dearly, sacrificing his right to be right, to expect apology, and to submit to the process of dying to self. The very model of forgiveness.

            Is there someone that you need to forgive?   

Colossians 3:12-13 "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you do also."

Crisis of Faith

Do you ever hear something, so kind of bad news and think "That's it. I can not take any more. God where are you?" Well, I had that kind of day. A friend called to tell me that she's currently going through a crisis situation and it was the straw that brought this camel to it's knees. I refuse to say that it broke my back, because in some deep part of me, I know that there's some faith there. But honestly, I really needed to hear some positive news. Every major thing that I've been praying about is at a standstill. It's hard to wait isn't it? Even as I write, I realize that I can not honestly say everything I'm praying about. And that's something isn't it? To understand that even when we are sunk so low in depression about things that we can not change, to still see God's work. Even if it's in little things like a free puppy or a person not reacting in a negative way. At some point while we are on our knees from the weight that we carry, we must make a choice. Do we choose to believe that we have a loving, caring God whom we can trust or are we going to go it on our own?

Long Time

Here I am again.. Saying that I will write, then not writing for months. I understand this is really just an exercise for myself anyway; however, this will be of great relief for my atrophying brain. So much has been going on lately. My home is for sale. That itself is not extraordinary, but the fact that is has shown over 30 times in 6 weeks is something to brag about. The no offer thing is at the other end, something to perhaps be embarrassed about. But I am told that this is a difficult market to sell your home in, even here in the midwest where the market is supposedly not suffering as greatly as other areas. Putting one's home on the market does allow you a closer look at humanity and its unique characteristics. For example, early on we had one gentleman look at our home not once, but twice. Hopes stirred, we were then told that he didn't even have his own home on the market, but liked ours. Would someone care to explain why he looked at it twice? There are pictures on the web to refresh his memory. This seems incredibly rude to the seller who must clean his house to impeccable standards, then vacate the property and find somewhere to take the family, generally at dinner hour. Did I mention that this seems rude? Then there was another buyer who wanted to see the home the last day of spring break. This of course being the day that I promised my family no showings so that we could start the week refreshed. Having been told that this was a second showing and that he was driving from a city 3 hours away specifically to make an offer on the home, I rousted the family and out we went. I waited all night and the next morning until I couldn't stand it anymore and phoned my realtor to see what was up. Apparently nothing was up. The wife had found another home on realtor.com and they bought that one instead. Did I mention rude? There have been some good things to come from these debacles. My realtor now knows not to call until offer is in hand and I have stopped baking bread and cookies for potential buyers. I now only bake bread and cookies for my family. They seem to appreciate it a bit more. And I can clean my home at the drop of a hat. Now what to do with all of that free time?

The Past

With the New Year sun streaming in my windows, it seems inevitable but to reminisce on people from the past. One person came to mind this morning. His name is Craig and he is a former boss of mine. I really don't know why or how I got to thinking of him. Maybe it is because I was thinking of California where I grew up. Maybe it is because he is the best boss I have had. (I have not had many, being a stay-at-home mom for the past 14 years.) What I mostly remember about him was his calling me "Lips". I called him "Old Man". We continued to keep in touch after I no longer worked with the company until I moved out of the area. We had a great working relationship. He challenged me to improve and promoted me when he could; I in turn respected him and made him look good to his bosses. After a downturn in the economy, he got me a job at another company. He ended up taking a job at another company as well. This is just one of those "Wonder where they are now?" kind of things, I guess. Maybe I should google him? Speaking of catching up with people, I did just last year catch up with my best friend from elementary school. I used the usual route- the website for schools. I was surprised to hear back and we now keep in touch. She and I embarked upon the same adventure last January- we went back to school. We have both now completed one year and still enjoy it. We were good students back then, too. Funny how the the things that made you friends when you were kids still stick. I hope that one day I can make it to California to see her, seeing as how my wanderings have gotten me straight to the Middle of Nowhere, US. I suppose that next summer might be an option, since I have come upon the august age of being able to attend my 20th high school reunion. (more on that later) All of this people wondering causes me to wonder about this year. What kind of people will I meet? Will I catch up with more people from my past? How will these new friendships be significant to me later? With joy I embark upon the New Year and the people it will bring me. May there be great people in your life to call "Friend"!!!!!!

Resolutions

1. I know, I know. Everyone is talking about New Year's Resolutions right now. To be honest, I have never made any in the past. But I have one this year- to write on this blog at least 5 days a week. To be honest, this is due to purely ulterior motives. I need practice writing and I am not taking any college classes this semester. So, I am afraid that this is going to be my outlet for writing practice and keeping my brain engaged in issues besides carpooling, dinner-making and housework. Sound good? Speaking of learning, I will share some important things that I have learned this year. Some are personal and some are purely informational. I hope that you enjoy them. 1. God is a God of hope and new beginnings 2. We don't go back, only forward. 3. Preteen girls can be just as moody as teen girls 4. I am my mother's daughter 5. I learned the meaning of Pseudepigrapha 6. I learned what a blog is 7. I learned how to make a blog!!!

Fuzzy Creatures

My family and I have a rabbit. I have had dogs and cats in the past, but never a rabbit. There is something so innocent about holding the small fuzzy thing. Who doesn't love a baby bunny? It makes you think of past holidays- Christmas Eves and Easter Mornings, and the anticipation that accompanies each one. Those cute little ears and those twitching whiskers that seem to say "Just wait. Something exciting is coming." What that exciting thing in my life may be, I have no idea. But the waiting isn't so bad if you're spending your time watching a rabbit. I never would have thought that they have their own little language. There are whole websites to tell you what your rabbit is saying to you. Ears forward means he is alert. Laid out on the floor means he is relaxed and feeling safe. My favorite is called a "binkie", when he jumps and twitches in the air. It is the sign of complete and utter happiness. It makes me think of how I convey my happiness to those around me. Am I expressing my happiness just to be free and run around? What exactly do others see when they see me? Obviously, I can't jump and twitch. Others may be tempted to think me crazier than they already do. I pray that they see a smile on my face and an interest in what they are saying. I hope that my own cares and concerns don't weigh me down so much that others don't see me do my own "binkie."

Here I Am

I am here. I am amazed at how life turns out sometimes. Who would have thought that I would be on the World Wide Web? I am discovering more and more that I am capable of more than I thought. I am also discovering that I am capable of less than I thought. Strange dichotomy. I am discovering that I love to write and see where my thoughts take me. Right now I'm thinking about enchiladas and Spanish rice. It's lunchtime. This makes me think of California where I grew up. I miss the smell of the ocean and the feel of the breeze on my face. I miss going to the beach, not to bake myself, to contemplate life and feel renewed. To be hypnotized by the sound of the waves and screeching sea gulls. To just be. In other places that I have lived, I have found that place also. Someplace to just be. I have not found that here in the middle of nowhere. There is not much by way of nature around here. Perhaps that is one of the reasons my soul seems to struggle in this place. It takes a little more work to see the beauty of God here. But I am learning not to see it in my physical surroundings. I am learning to see that beauty in people, especially in myself. I can be content with myself wherever I am. I am here.